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I swear, you don't check the blogs for a day or two and you miss a lot of stuff!
I can definitely side with Eric on the issue of the sheer arrogance and unbelievable pretentiousness of San Ramonians. I decided to go food shopping at Whole Foods and it nearly blew me away how rude, arrogant, and unbelievably self-centered those people were! I don't know how people can work there and deal with these people day in and day out. Much like my bretheren on the freeway, these people stand in your way for no reason whatsoever, or cut you off, or look down their noses at you if you happen to move your cart ahead of them. But unforunately unlike the freeway scenario I didn't have the soundproofing of my car to mute my snarled obscenities concerning their immediate family relatives and certain barnyard animals so I gritted my teeth until I got out of there.
And if you think Borders and Whole Foods are bad, you should see the parking lot.
Are people really this self-centered and blind to other people or is this deliberate? Have we as a society taken the attitude of "don't step on me" and twisted it out of proportion? I swear, the times when I happen to be in someone's way and I said "Oh, I'm sorry," they looked at me like I was speaking German. Is politeness a thing of the past as well? Makes me wonder if this stigma continues what extremes it might take. Now there's a lot that I can take when it comes to tolerance save for a few choice things that manage to bypass my shields to push my button: the sound of people clearing their throats repeatedly, people smacking gum, people chewing with their mouthes open, people breathing audibly, and people acting holier-than-thou (or at least holier-than-moi) and loarding it over me. I've been told that I come across as smug, and I can see that. I like moving with a sense of confidence and poise. But when it comes down to it, internally speaking, I don't see myself as being better than anyone else. I have a deep respect of being humble. I don't like to power-up or put myself on airs because to me it's the worst kind of arrogance. But thanks to years of public schooling and being the kid that was the easy target to be picked on and made fun of, now when someone tries to power-up against me I go into a blind rage. For some reason I have a hard time brushing it off because it zips past my defenses and pulls at strings that, surprisingly, are still as sensitive as they were 14-odd years ago.
In other news, I have finally purchased furniture for my apartment! Here's what I'm putting in my living room... (I apologize that the pictures are so small, the bigger ones wouldn't show up)
Cream colored chaise lounge from Laz-y-Boy (with dark mahogany wood detail). This will go along the side of the wall near the window to the deck.
Matching cream colored couch from Laz-y-Boy (with dark mahogany wood detail). This will be along the wall facing the fireplace, perpendicular to the chaise lounge.
In the corner space between these two things I'm eventually going to put an end table (future purchase). Here's the one I've got my eye on right now at Furniture.com...
Next to the fireplace, facing parallel to the corner with the end table is the chair that I bought.
Reclining chair in chocolate brown leather (with tan wood detail) from Laz-y-boy. I'll put a matching end table next to the chair on the side not facing the fireplace. I'm also going to put a floor lamp next to the chair, one that faces upwards, but that has a small light that I can aim at the chair for reading.
Instead of doing a coffee table, I've decided on getting a floor rug in a true red to run diagonally across the room to touch both the couch, chaise, and chair. At some time I'm going to paint the wall sections with the couch and the chaise in a rich chocolate brown color and I'm toying with the idea of painting the rest of my apartment in a nice tan color to complement it.
//If you can visualize this so far without the aid of pictures, then pat yourself on the back! I had to draw this idea out several times before deciding on it//
If this works out the way I'm hoping that it will ... then Thom Filicia, eat your heart out!
Melissa at 10:43 PM
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My apologies to all who actually read my blog that I haven't updated in so long. For some reason my nights are now crammed with food shopping, making dinner, doing dishes, doing laundry, and somewhere shoved in the midst trying to find some time for myself. Is this what single life is supposed to be about? Seems like the more I push to get on top of things the higher the mountain of chores becomes. I know it sounds excessive, but I know that if I let it go the mess will just grow exponentially. Is there a piece of this that I'm missing?? Or am I really a closet Obsessive Compulsive hidden in a lazy person's body? Not that I'm looking to become a Stepford Wife, but there has always been a part of me that has to see everything as being clean and organized. Otherwise it's another tick in my mind and those add up so quickly that it seems that my life is spiraling out of control.
[insert roll of eyes here]
I'm curious to find out if it is actually a psychotic disorder. It's part of what keeps me up at night. Even during the day I'll be walking around and then suddenly start freaking out wondering if I paid all my bills or if I remembered to turn off the coffee maker. If I don't have the answer directly in front of me those thoughts don't go away. I think that's part of the reason why I like living alone. I can turn off the tv and the stereo and can just sit in complete silence, both internal and external.
But on to some positive stuff. The Prince concert was ASTOUNDING!! He is what I respect in musicians. No overly inflated ego (at least not anymore), the creativity to write his own music and the talent to play it as well. Just hearing the acoustic version of "Little Red Corvette" ... it was amazing to say the least. And we get to go see it again!! I swear we're becoming "The Groupies Formerly Known As".
What to look forward to this week? Not a whole lot. People are coming out tomorrow to spray for spiders. Again. (I swear my apartment is becoming a halfway house for arachnids!) Janet's graduation is on Saturday. I have to take my car in that day to get the oil changed. And .... that's about it.
Melissa at 10:07 PM
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So a few weeks have passed since I started living on my own. I think I'm finally used to it. It's to the point now that I don't even think about it. Another milestone turned in the generic Path of Life. This was something that I've looked forward to since I was 20. Now it's here and I find myself thinking in a way that probably dooms me from having anything long-lasting or permanent: 'What now?'. I guess the next plateau from here would be the steady relationship and from there a workable marriage but then what? Parenthood? Not bloody likely. Turning 30? 40?? 50?!? Retirement? I guess that is what scares me more than anything is that you think ahead of what your life will be and you dream as far as you can but soon you run out of major events in your life and you're left with the small ones. Going to Vegas for the weekend. Buying a newer car. Going out to dinner in the city on Friday night. At that point you're stuck in the bog of mundane existance and to me that's worse than death. Because the one thing that keeps me going is looking down the horizon to the next major plateau.
Well thanks to the voice of reason I'm back to searching for love in all the wrong places. Since playing Prince of Persia: Sands of Time I've been thinking of changing up my tastes from the standard WASP-y types that I always chase to a bit more ... ethnic. //Yes, I know, it's probably the lamest thing you've ever heard of. I completely agree. But oddly enough I find inspiration in the strangest of places.// Perhaps a more European geneology like Greek or Russian could do me good. //But do not doubt that the thought that I can hardly date a resident native slims the chances that I can find someone more middle Eastern to put up with me doesn't rattle in my head like a pinball game on speed.// It's dawned on me that I don't want a relationship that is on the fasttrack to marriage right now. I find that I quite enjoy living on my own and having time away from everything and everyone else. But that damned romantic need that I've been starving for several years is coming back to bite with a vengeance.
Yet as I sit here alternatively writing this and doing my laundry it leads me to think that maybe I might be okay with getting married someday. Learning to live with somenone may be a thorn in my side but perhaps I could do it. //Given that I can find someone who can live with me of course, which I can assure you that unless they're deaf, masochistic, and has more patience than God Himself, that doesn't stand a chance in hell.// After all, I never learned how to do laundry and I never thought myself capable but here I am on a Monday night (10:28 to be exact) doing just that! But if my aptitude of learning to live with someone is anything like my ability to do laundry it leads me to think that my future relationships will be stiff, shrunk, and an odd shade of pink.
Melissa at 9:28 PM
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That's it. I've given up. Yet another date facilitated by match.com and it has ended as all the others have: over before you can blink. How did it go? Thankfully it wasn't as disasterous as my other headlining dates. His hair was the same color in his picture. He didn't buy me vodka in a plastic bottle. He didn't try to introduce his tongue to my mouth fifteen minutes within meeting him, and he didn't seem to hold any personal love of shoes. So what was the problem?
He was boring.
We had a pleasant chat. He talked about his work and how he doesn't have the time schedule to deal with a high maintenance girlfriend (yes, I know what you're thinking but it's been several years since I've been someone's girlfriend so I don't think you can still classify me as 'high maintenance') and he's just interested in meeting people. That was it. He held the same tone of voice for the entire evening. He didn't seem to get too excited about anything (man could make Gandhi look like a heroin addict in withdrawl). And that was it. Before you think it, it wasn't a physical issue. He was actually kind of cute (except that it looked like he shaved the sides of his face and the top of the chin, but had five-o-clock stubble under his face). If he had shown more signs of life beyond that of a still pond I could have actually pictured something (with the small exception that he's a friend of the hooka).
So I'm done with internet dating. I'm tired of getting my hopes up just to have to find some kind of cheap excuse to get out of a bad date. At best the guys that I meet (with the exception of those that I've really liked but I didn't meet their standards ... oh, the irony.) hit about 5 out of 30 of my standards. Are my standards too high? Undoubtedly so. Should I lower them? I should, but I'm not going to. What I want may be a fairy tale, but damnit it's my fairy tale. //That's the problem with us Scorpio women: we'll cling to illusion until you have to pry our cold dead hands off of it.// I'd rather hold to my daydreams in hope that they could happen someday rather than lowering my standards and settling. //Does this seem unbelievably arrogant and snobbish? Absolutely. But look at it this way: if the person that you fell in love with turned around and told you on the eve of your wedding day that this day could only happen because they lowered their standards to accept you, how would you feel?//
What am I looking for? I'm looking for a relationship that just happens on its own, not because two people are trying to create one. In my head I can imagine working a late night on a huge project with a coworker and looking up over the spreadsheets and for the first time notice how green his eyes are. In my daydreams I picture walking around the city with a guy, drinking coffee, and watch his lips touch the straw and suddenly wonder what they would feel like. I want to be in a screaming match with a guy that I'm sure that I hate, then find myself kissing and being kissed breathless. I want all the unease and curiosity of discovering a hidden attraction. //After all, there's nothing I love more than the chase.//
Sound to Harlequin romanc-y? Probably is. But that's what you get growing up reading about love and romance without experiencing it.
On a lighter note, downtown Santa Cruz is quite interesting. It's like downtown Berkeley, but with slightly less traffic. People of all different colors and shapes walk along the sidewalks, being entertained by people playing guitars and banging cans. The shops are individual and interesting, and the only two chain stores are a tiny Starbucks and the Gap. It's an interesting place for someone who's never been to San Francisco and want to get a taste of what strolling down the streets of the city is like. However as I was sitting and waiting for Matt to arrive I noticed that sometimes it took me a good two to three minutes of staring at someone till I could tell what gender they were. Some people that I saw walking along the streets looked so androgenous that I'd be afraid of addressing them as anything other than "Excuse me...".
Melissa at 9:56 PM
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Just for fun, I thought I'd post the link to "The Phantom Menace: Humorous Version". Helps if you're really familiar with how the script was actually written, but it is hilarious none the less! See if you can guess which part of this I wrote.
Melissa at 12:12 AM
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Tuesday, June 15, 2004
"Everybody knows that it's now or never
Everybody knows that it's me or you
Everybody knows that you'll live forever
When you've done a line or two..."
'Everybody Knows' ~ Leonard Cohen (covered by Don Henley)
I swear, you don't check the blogs for a day or two and you miss a lot of stuff!
I can definitely side with Eric on the issue of the sheer arrogance and unbelievable pretentiousness of San Ramonians. I decided to go food shopping at Whole Foods and it nearly blew me away how rude, arrogant, and unbelievably self-centered those people were! I don't know how people can work there and deal with these people day in and day out. Much like my bretheren on the freeway, these people stand in your way for no reason whatsoever, or cut you off, or look down their noses at you if you happen to move your cart ahead of them. But unforunately unlike the freeway scenario I didn't have the soundproofing of my car to mute my snarled obscenities concerning their immediate family relatives and certain barnyard animals so I gritted my teeth until I got out of there.
And if you think Borders and Whole Foods are bad, you should see the parking lot.
Are people really this self-centered and blind to other people or is this deliberate? Have we as a society taken the attitude of "don't step on me" and twisted it out of proportion? I swear, the times when I happen to be in someone's way and I said "Oh, I'm sorry," they looked at me like I was speaking German. Is politeness a thing of the past as well? Makes me wonder if this stigma continues what extremes it might take. Now there's a lot that I can take when it comes to tolerance save for a few choice things that manage to bypass my shields to push my button: the sound of people clearing their throats repeatedly, people smacking gum, people chewing with their mouthes open, people breathing audibly, and people acting holier-than-thou (or at least holier-than-moi) and loarding it over me. I've been told that I come across as smug, and I can see that. I like moving with a sense of confidence and poise. But when it comes down to it, internally speaking, I don't see myself as being better than anyone else. I have a deep respect of being humble. I don't like to power-up or put myself on airs because to me it's the worst kind of arrogance. But thanks to years of public schooling and being the kid that was the easy target to be picked on and made fun of, now when someone tries to power-up against me I go into a blind rage. For some reason I have a hard time brushing it off because it zips past my defenses and pulls at strings that, surprisingly, are still as sensitive as they were 14-odd years ago.
In other news, I have finally purchased furniture for my apartment! Here's what I'm putting in my living room... (I apologize that the pictures are so small, the bigger ones wouldn't show up)
Cream colored chaise lounge from Laz-y-Boy (with dark mahogany wood detail). This will go along the side of the wall near the window to the deck.
Matching cream colored couch from Laz-y-Boy (with dark mahogany wood detail). This will be along the wall facing the fireplace, perpendicular to the chaise lounge.
In the corner space between these two things I'm eventually going to put an end table (future purchase). Here's the one I've got my eye on right now at Furniture.com...
Next to the fireplace, facing parallel to the corner with the end table is the chair that I bought.
Reclining chair in chocolate brown leather (with tan wood detail) from Laz-y-boy. I'll put a matching end table next to the chair on the side not facing the fireplace. I'm also going to put a floor lamp next to the chair, one that faces upwards, but that has a small light that I can aim at the chair for reading.
Instead of doing a coffee table, I've decided on getting a floor rug in a true red to run diagonally across the room to touch both the couch, chaise, and chair. At some time I'm going to paint the wall sections with the couch and the chaise in a rich chocolate brown color and I'm toying with the idea of painting the rest of my apartment in a nice tan color to complement it.
//If you can visualize this so far without the aid of pictures, then pat yourself on the back! I had to draw this idea out several times before deciding on it//
If this works out the way I'm hoping that it will ... then Thom Filicia, eat your heart out!
"Hits you in a minute
Then you know you're in it
I've been in love before
I've been in love before
The hardest part is when you're in it"
'Been In Love Before' ~ Cutting Crew
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Wednesday, June 09, 2004
"You keep your distance with a system of touch
And gentle persuation
I'm lost in admiration
Could I need you this much?
Or are you wasting my time?
You're just wasting time
Something happens and I'm head over heels
I never find out till I'm head over heels
Something happens and I'm head over heels
Ah don't take my heart
Don't break my heart
Don't throw it away"
"Head Over Heels" ~ Tears for Fears
My apologies to all who actually read my blog that I haven't updated in so long. For some reason my nights are now crammed with food shopping, making dinner, doing dishes, doing laundry, and somewhere shoved in the midst trying to find some time for myself. Is this what single life is supposed to be about? Seems like the more I push to get on top of things the higher the mountain of chores becomes. I know it sounds excessive, but I know that if I let it go the mess will just grow exponentially. Is there a piece of this that I'm missing?? Or am I really a closet Obsessive Compulsive hidden in a lazy person's body? Not that I'm looking to become a Stepford Wife, but there has always been a part of me that has to see everything as being clean and organized. Otherwise it's another tick in my mind and those add up so quickly that it seems that my life is spiraling out of control.
[insert roll of eyes here]
I'm curious to find out if it is actually a psychotic disorder. It's part of what keeps me up at night. Even during the day I'll be walking around and then suddenly start freaking out wondering if I paid all my bills or if I remembered to turn off the coffee maker. If I don't have the answer directly in front of me those thoughts don't go away. I think that's part of the reason why I like living alone. I can turn off the tv and the stereo and can just sit in complete silence, both internal and external.
But on to some positive stuff. The Prince concert was ASTOUNDING!! He is what I respect in musicians. No overly inflated ego (at least not anymore), the creativity to write his own music and the talent to play it as well. Just hearing the acoustic version of "Little Red Corvette" ... it was amazing to say the least. And we get to go see it again!! I swear we're becoming "The Groupies Formerly Known As".
What to look forward to this week? Not a whole lot. People are coming out tomorrow to spray for spiders. Again. (I swear my apartment is becoming a halfway house for arachnids!) Janet's graduation is on Saturday. I have to take my car in that day to get the oil changed. And .... that's about it.
"I made a fire and watching it burn
I though of your future
With one foot in the past now
Just how long will it last?
Now have you no ambition?
My mother and my brothers used to breathing clean air
And dreaming I'm a doctor
It's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand
Oh I feel so..."
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004
ONE OF THE GREATEST MYSTERIES REVEALED...
Do you want to know why we single women are so moody, depressed, and volatile?
Because THIS is our dating pool.
'nuff said.
Melissa at 10:13 PM
Do you want to know why we single women are so moody, depressed, and volatile?
Because THIS is our dating pool.
'nuff said.
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Monday, May 31, 2004
"When are you going to come down?
When are you going to land?
I should have stayed on the farm
I should have listened to my old man
You know you can't hold me forever
I didn't sign up with you
I'm not a present for your friends to open
This boy's too young to be singing the blues..."
"Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" ~ Elton John
So a few weeks have passed since I started living on my own. I think I'm finally used to it. It's to the point now that I don't even think about it. Another milestone turned in the generic Path of Life. This was something that I've looked forward to since I was 20. Now it's here and I find myself thinking in a way that probably dooms me from having anything long-lasting or permanent: 'What now?'. I guess the next plateau from here would be the steady relationship and from there a workable marriage but then what? Parenthood? Not bloody likely. Turning 30? 40?? 50?!? Retirement? I guess that is what scares me more than anything is that you think ahead of what your life will be and you dream as far as you can but soon you run out of major events in your life and you're left with the small ones. Going to Vegas for the weekend. Buying a newer car. Going out to dinner in the city on Friday night. At that point you're stuck in the bog of mundane existance and to me that's worse than death. Because the one thing that keeps me going is looking down the horizon to the next major plateau.
"What do you think you'll do there?
I bet they shoot down your plane
It'll take you a couple of vodka and tonics
To set you on your feet again
Maybe you'll get a replacement
There's plenty like me to be found
Mongrels who ain't got a penny
Sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground..."
Well thanks to the voice of reason I'm back to searching for love in all the wrong places. Since playing Prince of Persia: Sands of Time I've been thinking of changing up my tastes from the standard WASP-y types that I always chase to a bit more ... ethnic. //Yes, I know, it's probably the lamest thing you've ever heard of. I completely agree. But oddly enough I find inspiration in the strangest of places.// Perhaps a more European geneology like Greek or Russian could do me good. //But do not doubt that the thought that I can hardly date a resident native slims the chances that I can find someone more middle Eastern to put up with me doesn't rattle in my head like a pinball game on speed.// It's dawned on me that I don't want a relationship that is on the fasttrack to marriage right now. I find that I quite enjoy living on my own and having time away from everything and everyone else. But that damned romantic need that I've been starving for several years is coming back to bite with a vengeance.
"So goodbye yellow brick road
Where the dogs of society howl
You can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plow
Back to howling old owl in the woods
Huntin' the hornyback toad
Oh I've finally decided my future lies
Beyond the yellow brick road..."
Yet as I sit here alternatively writing this and doing my laundry it leads me to think that maybe I might be okay with getting married someday. Learning to live with somenone may be a thorn in my side but perhaps I could do it. //Given that I can find someone who can live with me of course, which I can assure you that unless they're deaf, masochistic, and has more patience than God Himself, that doesn't stand a chance in hell.// After all, I never learned how to do laundry and I never thought myself capable but here I am on a Monday night (10:28 to be exact) doing just that! But if my aptitude of learning to live with someone is anything like my ability to do laundry it leads me to think that my future relationships will be stiff, shrunk, and an odd shade of pink.
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Saturday, May 29, 2004
This was interesting to discover ... though I can't say that I'm surprised that I got this one...
Bad Boy - Your ideal guy is the rebellious and
muscular bad boy. He's into living life outside
the lines - and having fun doing it.
Turn ons: You'll enjoy being wrapped up in those
biceps.
Turn offs: He might not always stay true to you,
and those motorcycle rides can seriously screw
up your hair!
What is your ideal type of guy? (With Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
Melissa at 4:13 AM
Bad Boy - Your ideal guy is the rebellious and
muscular bad boy. He's into living life outside
the lines - and having fun doing it.
Turn ons: You'll enjoy being wrapped up in those
biceps.
Turn offs: He might not always stay true to you,
and those motorcycle rides can seriously screw
up your hair!
What is your ideal type of guy? (With Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
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Thursday, May 27, 2004
"Hey you
Out there on the road
Always doing what you're told
Can you help me??
Hey you
Out there beyond the wall
Breaking bottles in the hall
Can you help me??
Hey you
Don't tell me there's no hope at all
Together we stand, divided we fall..."
'Hey You' ~ Pink Floyd
That's it. I've given up. Yet another date facilitated by match.com and it has ended as all the others have: over before you can blink. How did it go? Thankfully it wasn't as disasterous as my other headlining dates. His hair was the same color in his picture. He didn't buy me vodka in a plastic bottle. He didn't try to introduce his tongue to my mouth fifteen minutes within meeting him, and he didn't seem to hold any personal love of shoes. So what was the problem?
He was boring.
We had a pleasant chat. He talked about his work and how he doesn't have the time schedule to deal with a high maintenance girlfriend (yes, I know what you're thinking but it's been several years since I've been someone's girlfriend so I don't think you can still classify me as 'high maintenance') and he's just interested in meeting people. That was it. He held the same tone of voice for the entire evening. He didn't seem to get too excited about anything (man could make Gandhi look like a heroin addict in withdrawl). And that was it. Before you think it, it wasn't a physical issue. He was actually kind of cute (except that it looked like he shaved the sides of his face and the top of the chin, but had five-o-clock stubble under his face). If he had shown more signs of life beyond that of a still pond I could have actually pictured something (with the small exception that he's a friend of the hooka).
So I'm done with internet dating. I'm tired of getting my hopes up just to have to find some kind of cheap excuse to get out of a bad date. At best the guys that I meet (with the exception of those that I've really liked but I didn't meet their standards ... oh, the irony.) hit about 5 out of 30 of my standards. Are my standards too high? Undoubtedly so. Should I lower them? I should, but I'm not going to. What I want may be a fairy tale, but damnit it's my fairy tale. //That's the problem with us Scorpio women: we'll cling to illusion until you have to pry our cold dead hands off of it.// I'd rather hold to my daydreams in hope that they could happen someday rather than lowering my standards and settling. //Does this seem unbelievably arrogant and snobbish? Absolutely. But look at it this way: if the person that you fell in love with turned around and told you on the eve of your wedding day that this day could only happen because they lowered their standards to accept you, how would you feel?//
What am I looking for? I'm looking for a relationship that just happens on its own, not because two people are trying to create one. In my head I can imagine working a late night on a huge project with a coworker and looking up over the spreadsheets and for the first time notice how green his eyes are. In my daydreams I picture walking around the city with a guy, drinking coffee, and watch his lips touch the straw and suddenly wonder what they would feel like. I want to be in a screaming match with a guy that I'm sure that I hate, then find myself kissing and being kissed breathless. I want all the unease and curiosity of discovering a hidden attraction. //After all, there's nothing I love more than the chase.//
Sound to Harlequin romanc-y? Probably is. But that's what you get growing up reading about love and romance without experiencing it.
On a lighter note, downtown Santa Cruz is quite interesting. It's like downtown Berkeley, but with slightly less traffic. People of all different colors and shapes walk along the sidewalks, being entertained by people playing guitars and banging cans. The shops are individual and interesting, and the only two chain stores are a tiny Starbucks and the Gap. It's an interesting place for someone who's never been to San Francisco and want to get a taste of what strolling down the streets of the city is like. However as I was sitting and waiting for Matt to arrive I noticed that sometimes it took me a good two to three minutes of staring at someone till I could tell what gender they were. Some people that I saw walking along the streets looked so androgenous that I'd be afraid of addressing them as anything other than "Excuse me...".
"You said you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
You said you want
Your story to remain untold
But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you..."
'All I Want Is You' ~ U2
